What is Humiliation?

Ms. Bu did not go out to find work today, because her hands, which are usually soaked in cold water, were particularly swollen and painful today.

Those ten fingers are now so hard to bend, how could they possibly wash and beat them?

She sat on the edge of the kang (a heated brick bed), staring at the almost empty rice jar and the nearly empty oil bottle, her brows furrowed in worry.

After hesitating for a long time, Madam Bu took out the half-new indigo cotton jacket from the bottom of the trunk and put it on. Then she tidied her sideburns in front of the mottled bronze mirror before turning to Jia Yun and saying softly, "Yun-ge'er, I'm going out for a while. You...you should study hard by yourself."

When Jia Yun looked up, he noticed a hint of embarrassment in his mother's expression, and he immediately understood.

He opened his mouth as if to say something, but in the end he just nodded: "Mother, the roads are slippery with heavy snow, be careful."

Jia Yun knew that her mother was going to ask someone for help.

There was no hope in relying on clan schools, not to mention that Jia Dairu himself was an old scholar who had repeatedly failed the imperial examinations and had limited knowledge.

The behavior of Jia Rui, Jin Rong, and others in the school was no different from that of a corrupt and chaotic place. Rather than wasting time and causing trouble there, it would be much more peaceful to study diligently behind closed doors.

Of course, this also meant spending more money. Because of this, many neighbors in the west corridor openly and secretly advised Madam Bu that Jia Yun was not suited for studying and that it was more sensible for him to find a job as soon as possible, instead of wasting money and grain.

Seeing her son's transformed focus and perseverance after recovering from his injury, Madam Kebu withstood the gossip. Wasn't her confidence also fueled by a deep-seated desire to prove her family's worth?

Although their branch was one of the eight major branches of the Jia family that remained in the capital, it has long since declined.

The meager monthly allowance distributed to the imperial relatives by the mansion was not available to them. Their current livelihood depended entirely on Bu's laundry work and the few copper coins Jia Yun occasionally earned from copying books.

Recently, Mr. Bu has been suffering from a hand ailment, resulting in the loss of business from two more households. With this major source of income cut off, the end of the year has become even more difficult.

Bu went to Zhou Rui's house first.

Zhou Rui's wife was a maidservant to Madam Wang, and thus held a respectable position in the household. Furthermore, Zhou Rui, the husband, managed the land rent for the spring and autumn seasons, so he had some means of making money.

Lady Bu thought that since they had worked in the same household and were relatives, perhaps she could borrow some money to help with the emergency.

But to her surprise, as soon as she explained her purpose, Zhou Ruijia's face fell, and her eyes were full of sarcasm.

"Oh, Fifth Sister-in-law, I'm not trying to be mean, but in this freezing weather, instead of staying home and doing your job, you're thinking about borrowing money? I heard that instead of looking for some proper work, Yun-ge'er is locking himself up at home to study like those gentlemen in the mansion?"

She looked Bu Shi up and down, her hair now white from washing, then scoffed, "Not that I'm being nosy, but for a family like ours, knowing a few words is good enough as long as we're not completely illiterate. Do you really expect us to become top scholars and bring glory to our ancestors? We should get Yun-ge'er to settle down and find him a job. Do you think a crow with a few feathers can become a phoenix? Stop dreaming!"

These words were barbed and sarcastic, making Mrs. Bu's face flush red and then pale, so ashamed that she wished she could disappear into the ground.

She said her goodbye hesitantly and left Zhou Rui's courtyard almost as if she were fleeing.

After the others left, a cold laugh came from inside the door: "What kind of brat is this? He thinks he's worthy of studying? That branch in the west wing is already beyond the fifth degree of kinship. Does he really think he's a young master of the Jia family?"

Zhou Rui's wife smiled obsequiously, "Madam is right. This servant found that Madam Bu even mentioning that her ancestors were cousins ​​of the Duke of Ningguo. It's hilarious!"

The wind blowing on my burning face was indeed bone-chillingly cold.

Ms. Bu felt a tightness in her chest, but thinking that there was no rice to cook at home and that the lamp oil for her son's schooling was about to run out, she gritted her teeth and turned to Wang Shanbao's house.

Wang Shanbao's wife was a maidservant to Madam Xing, and she didn't get along well with Wang Xifeng's side. Madam Bu held onto a sliver of hope that things might be better on her side.

However, the result was no different.

After hearing what she said, Wang Shanbao's wife gave a forced, insincere snort.

"Borrow money? I say, Yun'er's mother, you really know how to pick a place. Everyone knows your family is a bottomless pit now. Yun'er used to be a good-for-nothing, and now he has this wild idea of ​​going to school. None of those things will bring in money. What can you do with the meager income from washing dishes? I advise you to hurry back and tell Yun'er to give up on this idea. Go and beg Second Madam Lian or Uncle Zhen for a job, even just a doorman or errand boy. That would be better than what you're doing now! As for the money, we don't have any!"

With a loud bang, the door was almost slammed shut, and the cold door panel nearly hit Mr. Bu's nose.

After being rebuffed twice and subjected to ridicule, Ms. Bu stood in the cold wind, feeling icy cold all over. The little courage she had finally mustered had long since dissipated.

She dragged her heavy steps, slowly making her way back to the cold little courtyard under the west corridor.

Hearing the noise, Jia Yun looked up and saw that his mother's eyes were red and swollen, her hair was disheveled by the wind, and there were still traces of tears on her face.

His heart sank, and he immediately put down his pen and went to greet her: "Mother, what's wrong...?"

Upon seeing her son, Ms. Bu could no longer contain her pent-up grievances, and tears streamed down her face. However, she could only shake her head, choking back sobs and unable to speak.

Without even asking, Jia Yun guessed seven or eight parts of the truth. Looking at his mother's increasingly haggard and distraught face, a surge of suppressed anger and heartache churned within him.

He held his mother's cold, rough hand tightly, and said in a low voice, "Mother, don't go. From now on, we will never beg them again."

"But...we have no money left..." As she spoke, Ms. Bu's tears flowed even more freely.

"The manager of Jigu Zhai has agreed to give me an advance on some money tomorrow..."

Just then, a sudden "bang bang bang" knocking sound shattered the pitiful, sentimental scene inside the room.

Both mother and son were taken aback.

In this freezing, snowy landscape, who would come to this deserted courtyard?

Mrs. Bu quickly wiped away her tears, straightened her clothes, and hurried to open the door.

As the door opened, a cold wind swept in, carrying a few snowflakes.

Just then, Zhou Rui's wife, who was serving Lady Wang, stood at the door with two burly old women. She wore her usual aloof smile, but her gaze swept across the room before finally settling on Jia Yun.

"Yun-ge'er, Madam heard that you took a few books from Master Bao's place a few days ago?"

At first, Madam Bu thought that Zhou Rui's wife had come to give money out of kindness, but now, upon hearing the word "Madam," her face turned pale instantly, and she just stood there helplessly.

Zhou Rui's wife continued, "It's not that I'm not letting you read. It's just that Master Bao is young, and there's no guarantee that some of the things in his room might be Master's treasures or important items sent from outside. If he accidentally takes the wrong one, it won't look good for anyone. So Madam instructed me to take the books back and check them carefully. If they're not really treasures, it won't be too late to return them to you."

It turned out to be the case.

Jia Yun had deliberately sought out an opportunity to meet Bao Yu a few days ago in order to find some useful books for the imperial examinations.

Jia Yun knew that his Uncle Bao disliked reading and literature, but had a vast collection of books in his room. So, he took the opportunity to strike up a conversation and then earnestly pleaded, "Uncle Bao, I would like to find a few books of current affairs to read, so that I may have a little something to show for myself in the future. I wonder if you have any spare ones that I could borrow for a few days?"

As expected, Baoyu liked his handsome and clever appearance, but was impatient with those "books of sycophancy". He readily agreed and even specially asked Musk Moon to take him to the study to pick out a few books.

Presumably, this action was seen by some maid or servant, and the story was distorted when it reached Lady Wang's ears.

In the heart of Madam Wang, who was a devout Buddhist but had an iron will, her precious son was innocent and easily deceived. Anyone who approached him was likely trying to steal his property or corrupt her son.

Sending someone to "collect" the book, seemingly in a polite manner, was in fact a great humiliation and a sign of distrust.

Jia Yun, however, dared not turn against him.

He was clear-headed, yet knew he must not show the slightest dissatisfaction at this moment.

If they offend the matriarch, Madam Wang, not only will their path to the imperial examinations be difficult, but their peaceful life as a widow and her orphan will likely come to an end.

Jia Yun saw that his mother, Bu Shi, was trembling slightly, her face was pale, and even her lips were trembling, but she couldn't utter a single word—she was clearly terrified.

In a flash, Jia Yun had suppressed all her emotions.

His face showed no anger at being humiliated; instead, he immediately stood up and bowed with just the right amount of fear and obedience.

"Aunt Zhou is right. It was my oversight. I only thought that Uncle Bao's study had many books, and I wanted to look at a few books, but I forgot to avoid the taboo. I deserve to die."

Jia Yun's tone was sincere yet tinged with the shrewdness of a junior: "The books are all here, not one is missing. I'll trouble you to take them back to Madam for her to review. If Madam finds them inappropriate, I will never dare to bother Uncle Bao again."

As she spoke, Jia Yun quickly tidied up the few well-preserved books on the table and respectfully presented them to Zhou Rui's wife with both hands.

Seeing that he was so sensible and his attitude was so respectful, Zhou Rui's wife's expression naturally softened.

She took the book and flipped through it briefly.

Indeed, they were just ordinary books about the imperial examinations, nothing particularly valuable, so he nodded: "It's good that Yun-ge understands. Madam is just being thorough."

Without saying another word, she handed the book to the old woman behind her, turned around, and led her people away through the snow.

The courtyard gate creaked shut, cutting off the wind and snow outside, and seemingly cutting off the last shred of dignity.

Only then did Madam Bu seem to come back to life. Her legs went weak, and she almost collapsed to the ground, tears streaming down her face even more fiercely: "What can we do... We've offended Madam, we... we'll have to..."

Jia Yun quickly helped his mother up and sat her down on the edge of the kang (heated brick bed): "Mother, it's alright, really alright. Madam was just following the rules. Once the book was taken back and investigated, everything was fine. You see, Aunt Zhou didn't say anything harsh, did she?"

"We have nothing to fear, we have nothing to be ashamed of. Your son, I still need to study hard. Once I pass the imperial examinations, let's see who dares to look down on our branch of the West Corridor."

Looking into her son's clear eyes, she saw no trace of panic or grievance, only a bright and calm gaze.

This also strangely calmed her bewildered heart down.

But, can my son really pass the exam?