Leaving in a sorry state

Sha Zhu stared intently at the male officer, his chest heaving violently. The blood that had just calmed down a little after Sister Zhang spoke to him surged to his head again.

He recognized the man; his surname seemed to be Hou. He was usually a sycophant and gossip in the administrative department. His hands clenched tightly at his sides, the knuckles cracking softly. The muscles in his arms were stiff and trembling slightly from the strain of his restraint. He wanted to roar, to punch that repulsive, thin face!

The clerk seemed startled by the sudden burst of fierce light in Sha Zhu's eyes, and subconsciously shrank back, but he became even more enthusiastic in his speech, as if Sha Zhu's reaction perfectly confirmed his words.

He turned to Sister Zhang, lowering his voice even further, yet sounding even more "heart-to-heart": "And, Sister Zhang, that's not the most important thing. The most important thing is his family situation... tsk, it's very complicated, and even talking about it... it would affect unity." He deliberately hesitated, keeping everyone in suspense.

Sister Zhang frowned even more, looking at Officer Hou with suspicion, then at Sha Zhu, who was already livid with anger, trembling all over but clenching his teeth and remaining silent: "Family situation? What's going on?"

Seeing that he had successfully attracted Sister Zhang's attention and the curiosity of those around him, Officer Hou was pleased with himself, but on his face he put on an even more pained and embarrassed expression, and leaned close to Sister Zhang's ear (in fact, his voice did not decrease much): "I heard... I heard it from the old people in the factory, I heard that his father was not a law-abiding person in the early years, and his conduct... his conduct had big problems!"

It seems that a widow with unclear past abandoned her family, leaving behind her wife and children, and ran off with someone else after taking all the money! All these years, there's been no word from her! Tell me, with a father like that, how can the family's morals possibly be upright?

Growing up in a family like that, how could a son not be influenced by what he sees and hears? His attitude towards relationships and family responsibilities... Sister Zhang, I'm doing this for your own good, just to warn you, you really need to be careful when dealing with people like that!

His words, seemingly a "reminder," were actually a vicious attack, directly linking Sha Zhu's personal shortcomings to his father's "moral stain" and the entire family's "improper conduct," forming a seemingly logical but in fact extremely malicious "presumption of guilt."

In particular, the final hints about "male-female relationships" and "family responsibilities" are undoubtedly extremely damaging to a lesbian woman who is looking for a partner.

After hearing this, Sister Zhang's curiosity and the slight interest she had just developed in Sha Zhu's skills vanished instantly, replaced by a clear sense of distance, wariness, and even a hint of lingering fear.

Sister Zhang was around 27 or 28 years old, which isn't considered old by today's standards, but back then she was considered an extremely old woman. Children her age were already old enough to run errands!

Due to family reasons, her marriage was delayed in her early years. Knowing her shortcomings, she didn't have high hopes when she came to the social gathering. Unexpectedly, she saw a guy named Sha Zhu who looked to be almost thirty years old (Sha Zhu looks old), and he was a cook at a steel mill. He seemed honest, so she got interested! She never expected that Sha Zhu had such a family background.

When she looked at Sha Zhu again, her gaze had completely changed. It was no longer the slightly teasing and peaceful look from before, but filled with scrutiny, vigilance, and an undisguised "keep your distance." She even subconsciously took a small step back, as if getting close to Sha Zhu would taint her with something unclean.

She forced a stiff, perfunctory smile at Sha Zhu and said quickly, "Um... Master He, I'm so sorry, I... I have something urgent to attend to. My colleague is calling me, so I'll head over now."

After saying that, without waiting for Sha Zhu to react, he immediately turned around and walked away as if fleeing, quickly merging into the crowd not far away, without ever looking back.

Sha Zhu stood frozen in place, like a statue whose soul had been instantly ripped away. Hou's "thoughtful" "reminder," Sister Zhang's sudden change in expression and her hasty departure, the surrounding whispers that instantly became more unrestrained, filled with scorn and disdain… all of these things struck his heart like heavy hammer blows, shattering his last remaining dignity and hope!

Sha Zhu stared intently at Officer Hou, his eyes blazing with fury that seemed ready to incinerate him! His fists clenched so tightly they cracked, his nails digging deep into his palms, causing sharp pain, but offering no relief whatsoever to the rage in his heart! He wanted to roar, to scream, to pounce on him without hesitation and tear this gossipy, opportunistic villain to shreds!

However, his clenched fists, livid face, and ferocious eyes, which were filled with extreme anger, became the best evidence of "just as expected," "violent tendencies," and "getting angry when he was right" in the eyes of those who were watching the commotion and now "confirmed" what Hou had said, especially in the eyes of several female comrades who had not yet left and were still observing nearby!

"Look! Look! He's about to start hitting people again!" "His eyes are terrifying! No wonder he says he likes to fight!" "Get away from him! We can't mess with this kind of person!" "Luckily, Officer Hou reminded Sister Zhang!" "Let's go, let's get away from him..."

Amidst hushed gasps and whispers, the women retreated hastily as if avoiding a plague, quickly moving away from the area where Sha Zhu was, their eyes filled with undisguised fear and disgust as they looked at him.

No one wanted to approach him anymore. He was like a cursed land, completely isolated from the bustling and noisy venue by an invisible barrier built of rumors, prejudice, and malice.

He stood alone in that dim corner, the glaring incandescent light shining obliquely down from above, casting his long, distorted shadow on the cold terrazzo floor.

The soothing and melancholic melody of "Moscow Nights" still flowed from the gramophone, surrounded by laughter, whispers, clinking glasses, and the stirrings of youth... All of these now became the cruelest and most biting irony and mockery of him.

As Sha Zhu watched the men and women chatting amicably, their faces beaming with natural smiles, he felt as if a red-hot iron was pressing firmly against his heart. The intense pain, accompanied by suffocating despair, slowly spread throughout his body.

He could no longer endure even a second longer. Every moment he remained there was a slow, agonizing torture of his spirit and self-esteem.

He suddenly lowered his head, using all his strength to force himself to move his legs, which felt as heavy as lead. He stopped looking at anyone and listening to any sound. Like a fleeing gray shadow, he moved along the wall, almost touching it, head down and back hunched, and slipped out of the club gate as quickly and silently as possible, quickly disappearing into the boundless, thick darkness of the factory area.

Of course, Sha Zhu didn't go back to the courtyard house. The courtyard house where he had lived for more than twenty years and knew every corner of it well now filled him with immense fear.

He dared not imagine what he would face upon returning: the calculating and curious gaze of Third Uncle Yan Bugui, the undisguisedly malicious sarcasm of Jia Zhangshi, the possibly disappointed silence of First Uncle Yi Zhonghai, and the deaf old lady's dejected disappointment after her earnest expectations were dashed...

And then there's Sister Qin… He had no idea how to face Qin Huairu's complex gaze, which might have held pity, or perhaps a sense of amusement. He felt like a defeated soldier, a deserter who had lost his armor and weapons, with no face to go back and see anyone.

He wandered aimlessly through the dimly lit, empty streets outside the factory, streets that reeked of coal ash and rust. The spring night wind carried a chill, blowing against his burning face and neck, but it did nothing to extinguish the raging fire in his heart, a mixture of anger, humiliation, despair, and bone-chilling cold.

He didn't know how long he had walked or how many turns he had made, but finally he stopped beside an old, abandoned brick kiln, now just ruins. Far from the factory and residential areas, only weeds and broken bricks cast menacing shadows in the moonlight. He leaned against the cold, rough brick wall, slowly slid down to the ground, and buried his head in his hands.

In the distance, the lights of the steel mill club still shone faintly, like a phantom and mocking point of light in the darkness.

He stared blankly in that direction until the lights went out one by one, finally merging completely into the darkness, as if that bizarre and tormenting world had never existed. The sounds of people and music completely disappeared, leaving only boundless silence and the rustling of the night wind through the wild grass.

He didn't know how much time had passed when the night dew soaked his shoulders, chilling him to the bone. It was as if he had just awoke from a long and terrifying nightmare, dragging his heavy, numb body, which felt as if it didn't belong to him, slowly, step by step, towards the courtyard house. His steps were unsteady, and his silhouette, in the pale moonlight, was stretched into a long and lonely black shadow.

When I returned to the courtyard house, it was completely silent. Most of the lights in the houses had been turned off, with only a few windows letting out a dim yellow light.

The courtyard gate was ajar, and the gatekeeper, Uncle Yan Bugui, seemed to still be awake. As soon as Shazhu gently pushed the door open, Yan Bugui's voice, tinged with sleepiness yet instantly waking, filled with eager curiosity, came clearly from inside the gatehouse, penetrating his ears through the thin door panel:

"Is Zhuzi back? So late? How was it? Was the social gathering lively? Did you see a lot of girls? Did you... find a girl you liked?" A barrage of questions came at him like a machine gun, each word laced with probing and weighing.

Sha Zhu froze, his steps rooted to the spot. In the darkness, his face twitched violently, his lips pressed into a cold, straight line. The shame and humiliation that had barely subsided in the cold night surged up again, threatening to burst his throat. He clenched his teeth, forcing himself to calm down. He couldn't let him see! He couldn't! He took a deep breath and, in a forced, nonchalant, even impatient and critical tone, practically roared a sentence towards the gatekeeper:

"Just like that! Boring! Noisy and annoying! And those women inside..." He paused, his mind flashing back to Qin Huairu's gentle, encouraging smile, and the shy, surprised, or fearful faces of the female workers at the social gathering. A distorted sense of comparison and defensiveness prompted him to blurt out, "...They're not even...not even half as pretty as Sister Qin! They're all so pretentious and affected, not a single one of them is decent! I wouldn't even look at them!"