Unofficial History of the Three Kingdoms: Guan Yu and Hua Tuo, Zhao Yun's Seven Incu

When it comes to Hua Tuo and Guan Yu, the first thing that comes to mind is definitely "scraping the bone to remove poison".

Zhu Dijun's voice rang out in the sky, drawing everyone's attention.

"One was a renowned physician, the other a famous general. One wielded the knife, the other extended his hand; with ease and composure, they accomplished a miraculous surgical procedure. This should have been a legendary tale passed down through the ages."

"However, in the unofficial histories that family members love to read, this matter is not so simple."

Above the sky, the AI ​​animation began playing again.

In the scene, Guan Yu sits upright in his tent, extending his poisoned arm, playing chess with someone without changing his expression.

Hua Tuo, standing to the side, was carefully scraping away the deadly poison from his bones with a sharp dagger.

The atmosphere was solemn and respectful.

However, at that moment, the style of the story suddenly changed.

The chibi-style Hua Tuo, while scraping bone, raised his head and asked in a gloomy tone:

"General Guan, you have fought many battles and are very knowledgeable. Have you ever heard of who killed my son, Hua Xiong?"

"puff--"

The Great Tang Dynasty, Taiji Hall.

Li Shimin spat out a mouthful of tea, spraying it all over Changsun Wuji's face.

He didn't even bother to wipe his mouth, pointing at the sky and laughing so hard he was shaking.

"Hua...Hua Xiong? Hua Tuo's son?"

"What...what's going on here?!"

Changsun Wuji wiped the tea off his face, feeling both amused and exasperated.

He knew Hua Xiong, who was killed by Sun Jian in the Records of the Three Kingdoms, so how did he become Guan Yu?

But he has absolutely no connection with Hua Tuo!

In the scene, the chibi version of Guan Yu hears these words and drops the chess piece in his hand onto the chessboard with a "thud".

His ruddy face turned deathly pale in an instant, and cold sweat poured down his forehead.

He stammered, "General Hua... was... was killed by a cup of warm wine! Yes! Warm wine! It was too hot, he suffered heatstroke!"

Guan Yu's guilty expression and forced explanation were full of comedic effect.

Upon hearing this, the chibi version of Hua Tuo paused in his grip on the knife, his eyes instantly turning sharp.

He glared at them, then snorted coldly, "Thank you for informing me, General! I'll go settle accounts with that 'Warm Wine' guy right now!"

"But before that, a slip of the hand is inevitable!"

As he spoke, he deliberately slashed the knife in his hand to the side!

"ah--!"

Guan Yu let out a miserable scream.

At the end of the video, a line of large text appeared on the screen:

Do you know why Windows 10 was released immediately after Windows 8?

Because Hua Tuo cut off Guan Yu's Windows 9.

"Hahahaha!"

"Win9? Cut it? What kind of outrageous language is that!"

"Godf***ing God, Hua Xiong is Hua Tuo's son!"

Guan Yu: I was terrified!

After a brief moment of astonishment, the myriad worlds erupted in an even more intense burst of laughter than before.

This joke is so novel and hilarious!

In Guan Yu's camp in Jingzhou.

Guan Yu himself, looking at the sky, had turned from a red face to a black one.

The Green Dragon Crescent Blade in his hand emitted a mournful buzzing sound, as if sensing its master's rage.

"Absurd! Nonsense!"

He squeezed out a few words through gritted teeth.

Guan Yu was an upright and honorable man throughout his life. When he beheaded Hua Xiong, he did so with dignity and integrity! He had never been in such a disgraceful situation before!

Also, what is this "Win9" thing? Why did you cut it off?

Zhang Fei, standing to the side, was already rolling on the ground laughing.

"Oh my, second brother! So you've finally met your match!"

"That's hilarious! Hua Tuo's son! Haha! Does that mean I also have a brother named Zhang Jiao?"

The veins on Guan Yu's forehead bulged; he really wanted to chop his gloating third brother in half with one stroke.

Xudu, the Sikong Mansion.

Cao Cao laughed so hard he slapped the table.

"Talented! These people of later generations are truly talented!"

"Hua Xiong, Hua Tuo! Haha! How did they even come up with that idea!"

He looked at Hua Tuo beside him.

At this moment, the legendary physician Hua Tuo stood there, looking completely bewildered, holding a packet of herbs in his hand.

"When...when did I have a son named Hua Xiong?"

He was puzzled.

He practiced medicine all his life and saved countless lives, so how did he suddenly have a son who was then killed?

This is simply a bolt from the blue!

Seeing the reactions of the audience from all realms, Zhu Dijun smiled and explained, "Family members, don't take it seriously. This is purely a pun. Hua Xiong is a character in a novel, and has nothing to do with Hua Tuo."

"As for 'Win9,' it's a 'system' from the future. You can think of it as... well, a number for a governing strategy or a martial arts manual. The joke is that Hua Tuo, out of anger, destroyed Guan Yu's ninth martial arts manual."

This explanation left the ancients somewhat bewildered, but that didn't stop them from finding it amusing.

"Alright, alright, let General Guan catch his breath."

Zhu Dijun cleared his throat and continued, "The next piece of unofficial history is equally powerful! The protagonist is none other than our Changshan Zhao Zilong!"

Upon hearing this, everyone's attention turned to the Shu Han camp.

What unofficial history could there be about Zhao Yun, the brave and loyal general with his white horse and silver spear?

Inside the Prime Minister's residence, Zhao Yun himself frowned, a sense of foreboding rising in his heart.

The video title appeared on the screen above the sky.

[The Third installment of unofficial histories of the Three Kingdoms: The mystery of Zhao Yun's seven charges in and out of Changban!]

The scene unfolds to depict the incredibly fierce Battle of Changban.

Cao Cao's million-strong army surrounded Liu Bei's remaining troops.

At this moment of despair, a white lightning bolt ripped through the battlefield!

Clad in a white robe, wielding a silver spear, and carrying the infant lord in his arms, Zhao Yun charged through the thousands of troops as if they were nothing!

That heroic figure stirred the blood of countless warriors throughout history.

"What a splendid Zhao Zilong!"

"The Great Tang Dynasty," Li Shimin couldn't help but exclaim in admiration.

"To take the head of a general from among a million soldiers—even the most renowned generals of antiquity could not have done it better!"

Emperor Zhu Di of the Ming Dynasty also looked on with admiration.

"Such bravery and martial prowess are truly unmatched!"

However, at that moment, the narrator's voice turned lewd again.

Why was Zhao Yun able to charge in and out of Changban Slope seven times as if walking on flat ground? Was it really because his martial arts were unparalleled and no one could stop him?

"No! You're all wrong!"

"The truth is..."

The camera suddenly focused on a close-up of Zhao Yun.

At that time, Zhao Yun's hair was disheveled due to the fierce battle, with a few strands of black hair sticking to his handsome face covered in sweat.

He had a handsome face and exquisite features. Although he was on the battlefield, he showed no signs of ferocity. Instead, because he was holding a baby in his arms, his eyes were full of love and tenderness.

The white robe, though stained with blood, only added to its tragic beauty.

That androgynous beauty stood out like a crane among chickens amidst the chaos of battle!

The narrator continued, "Think about it, what did Boss Cao see back then? A stunningly beautiful woman dressed in white, with flowing long hair, holding a baby in her arms, fighting desperately amidst thousands of soldiers!"

"Who is our Boss Cao? He's a wife-obsessed guy!"

"He took one look and exclaimed, 'Wow! This young lady is truly beautiful! And so brave! No, I can't hurt her! I must capture her alive!'"

"Therefore, Cao Cao immediately ordered: 'Do not fire arrows from the shadows; capture him alive at all costs!'"

Upon hearing this, Cao Cao's soldiers exclaimed, "Good heavens! Our lord has taken a fancy to someone else's wife again! What's the point of fighting? Let's hold them off!"

"And so, Zhao Yun 'fought' his way in and out seven times."

At the end of the video, a chibi version of Cao Cao, drooling, waves a handkerchief at Zhao Yun's back with a perverted grin on his face.

"My beauty! Don't run away!"

silence.

A deathly silence.

Then came a volcanic eruption of laughter!

"Hahahaha!"

"I can't take it anymore! My stomach hurts from laughing!"

"Boss Cao: I didn't! I didn't! Don't talk nonsense!"

Zhao Yun: Thank you so much!

The Prime Minister's Residence in Shu Han.

"Clang!"

With a crisp crack, Zhao Yun's longsword was snapped in two by his bare hands!

His once handsome face was now as black as the bottom of a pot.

A chilling, bone-chilling killing intent surged forth from his body, causing the temperature in the entire mansion to drop several degrees.

"This is outrageous...this is too much!"

He squeezed out the words one by one through gritted teeth.

Throughout his life, Zhao Yun was loyal and courageous, relying on his spear and martial arts skills!

I've never... I've never leaned on this face!

This is an insult that is even more painful than killing him!

Zhuge Liang stood to the side, watching the furious Zhao Yun, and looked on with a helpless expression.

He wanted to offer advice, but he didn't know where to begin.

Even he himself couldn't help but glance at Zhao Yun's face a few more times when he saw the video... Indeed, he was quite handsome.

Meanwhile, the Cao Wei camp was absolutely laughing their heads off.

Cao Cao himself laughed so hard that tears streamed down his face.

He pointed to the sky, panting, and said to those around him, "I...I really only admired talent! I admired talent!"

"However... what this young man said... seems to make a little bit of a point?"

He tried hard to recall the scene from back then, and Zhao Yun's face was indeed... dazzling.

Generals like Xiahou Dun and Cao Ren were also laughing so hard they were practically falling over.

"So, General Zilong makes a living based on his looks!"

"No wonder we couldn't contain them no matter how hard we tried!"

The entire Three Kingdoms period was plunged into a sea of ​​joy and disbelief because of these three outrageous historical anecdotes.

Liu Bei was so angry he vomited blood, Guan Yu's face turned black with anger, and Zhao Yun broke his sword in anger.

Cao Cao, on the other hand, became the biggest winner, beaming with joy.

Judy Jun watched the chaotic yet hilarious scene and ended his live stream for the day with satisfaction.

"Alright, everyone, that's all for today's historical anecdotes!"